Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Keep Your Politics to Yourself: A Guide to Facebook

Cross-posted at

You know what kills me?  When people put up political talk on Facebook.  Seriously, what makes you think I'm interested in your political views?  Here's a clue.  I'm NOT.  I don't care if you're the goddamned President of the Fucking Universe, I don't want to hear about your politics on Facebook.  Go hold a rally somewhere in he middle of central bumblefuck with all your glossy-eyed acolytes and get your rocks off.

But not on Facebook.  Facebook is for in pictures.  And don't get all cute with me and start posting pictures that express a political opinion.

Listen.  I know you think you have important things to talk about like 'global warming' or 'traditional marriage', but the truth is, I couldn't give a shit less if the ocean swallows up Florida or if gay marriage makes you want to get a divorce.

Seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your time than to express yourself on important issues that challenge our nation?  You want to be a political activist, go ahead.  Start some non-profit organization.  But I friended you because we had some wild times in college, not because I care about what you have to say about economic policy.  Put it this way: I want Facebook friends that make me laugh, not friends that challenge my deeply valued biases or my critical thinking skills.

Can't you go back to posting happy smiling pictures of your weekend with your family or something less controversial than abortion.  Cause really, its making me upset that you have a different opinion on this issue than me.  And I don't want to think to hard to understand your position either.

And finally, while I find your political postings annoying (mainly because they don't align to my worldview), I want to remind you that I purposely don't post my political opinions to Facebook due to the fact that a) I'm not good at expressing myself and detest confrontation and/or b) I want to be able to make the self-congratulatory claim in some post-partisan fashion that I Keep My Politics to Myself.

So please, don't offer me your opinion on middle-class handouts or tax cuts for the rich because I really just want to look at kittens all day.  Please consider self-censoring the next time you have a political opinion, otherwise, I'm gunna de-friend you.  So there!

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